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A low point

Everything was going well... and then February hit.  What a horrible month!  Nothing bad happened, it's just a general feeling this time but I got very depressed.  The reno stalled, nothing was happening... I was unhappy with life again.  Then just the other day Chris put in the living room flooring and everything was peechy keen again.  It's amazing how quickly my mood turns around. Now just to get the rest of the floors in, the trim on, and the vanity in... with mirror! All in good time!

This week at work has been extremely stressful. My boss was here from America and he has a lot of energy.  I don't know why he stressed me out, but he did... oh wait I do know why... because he is a man in a position of authority and my irrational attraction to authority figures was going full tilt!  I like the man, he is very nice, but I am NOT attracted to him!  He's a little high strung for my liking, but he was pleasant.  I really need to get my mind checked though. I was so stressed that blood vessels in my chin popped!  I am glad he is gone because I have not been able to get any work done all week. He was interesting, and lively.. but I like the peace and quiet of this office. I also do not trust myself to be mature and not divulge information that is not meant for the workplace (he struggles with this.... I know his life story now).  The general consensus of the office here is that he is very nice, but no one trusts him to deliver on what he promises... what a complicated situation. I am glad he is gone.

Stress sucks!!

I finished the embroidery for Pauline. I am very proud of it. I hope that Mum would be as well. I was sad to see it go. My first finished project! Yay!

I started a blanket with cables. I like it, but blankets always take way too long! I'm bored and need something new.

I am happy now... I wasn't a few weeks ago (and definietly wasn't this week) but winter is over (mostly) and I have rollerblades... and I am going to have fun!

I Love My Job

It's official. I love working for benefits!!  Having the opportunity to move into this role has been wonderful. I'm learning a lot about benefits administration and am really happy to be a part of a team!! Yay!  I hope I get to stay for the rest of the year. I can learn so much in that time! Oh, and I'm actually busy for a change. I don't get many opportunities to just sit around anymore.  It's so satisfying!

The reno is coming along nicely now.  We had the ceiling sprayed in the living room, kitchen, dining room, and mud room yesterday and it looks wonderful!  We are getting so close I can feel it!  I can't wait until we can paint... have to choose the colours of course which is the hard part, but once the actual work begins I will be even happier than I am now!! 

Puppy Vala is doing well. She's afraid of loud noises (like the shop vac, the mud mixer... any saw) but she calms down quickly. I love taking her for walks and I can't wait until it is warmer out so that we don't freeze together the whole time!  She's still peeing in the house during the day, but when we are home she hasn't had an accident for a while.  She's a cutie. Is really sleepy in the morning when we get up, and is sweet and cuddly when I get home at night.  I couldn't be happier.

It's Blake's birthday soon and Nana and Auntie Susie will be away on a cruise so we are having a dinner on Sunday.  I haven't got the present yet, but I think I know what to get... I hope anyway.  He's still too young to really know what's going on... I can't believe he is 4. He starts school in September this year! That's crazy. 

I am very happy with my life right now.  Chris is great. Dad seems happy. Becky is doing well and learning lots (and having fun :D). Nana is happy to be going on a cruise. I am going overboard with collecting knitting patterns and the only regret that I have is that there is not a good yarn supply around here (you'd think Len's Mills, but their selection doesn't excite me).  There is so much that I want to do and I will be very happy when I can do it sans renovation :) Oh to have a clean house again........
I started knitting gloves the other day, including a wonderful cable pattern and I love them! They are amazing so far. I have the pinky and thumb still to do on the right hand, and the entire left hand to do. I thought they would be hard, but after doing the teddy bear I'm a pro! lol There are maybbe one or two holes to fill. I still have trouble picking up stitches in a way that leaves no holes. Oh well. Practice and time will make me expert.

I want to try swedish (huck) weaving as my next crafty project. I must finish the embroidery for Pauline though first... I've had this project for way too long.

Vala is a little frustrating right now. We thought she was pro at going outside to pee and only went inside while we were gone... but for the last 2 weeks or so she has been going in the house with us right there... usually always in the dining room which is where she is supposed to go...but it's frustrating that she doesn't ask like she used to.  We just had her spayed so that might have something to do with it. I'm hoping that with a little diligence we can break her of this. I don't expect her to hold it all day, but when we are at home with her she better learn!!

I actually started Christmas shopping yesterday. I don't buy a lot, and for very few people, but I have presents for all the kids (internet shopping is less stressful) present for Vickie done, and half of Erin (since she insists on getting me something I am getting her something small).  I feel good about it. No presents for dad, perhaps some Christy socks for Uncle Brian (It's about time I think) and nothing else. Christmas is overrated and I will contribute by helping Nana make sausage rolls as I do every year. 

The renovation is going well so far. It's clean and tidy (for now) and we are just waiting on windows, doors and stairs. The stairs come this week; that means new railing and everything. The windows anytime in the next week or so, and the doors a week after that. I hate the time this is taking but there is nothing that can be done about it.  The bathroom is being done next Monday, so that means tear out of the bathroom starts on Saturday this week.  The price tag is large, but manageable between the two of us, and I can't wait until it is finished!

I have the best boyfriend! He's sweet, caring, handy, organized, and loves our puppy more than me :) lol.

Still happy.

Cooking and Baking and Life

I started typing up all of the family favourite recipes last night.  Snickerdoodles, monkey bread, banana bread, oatmeal cookies... yum. I'm going to put them together into a booklet and then print it for my records... it's nostalgia and I like it.

The more I think about cooking and baking, the more I think about Mum. She's been on my mind constantly lately. I saw branston pickles in the grocery store the other day and it almost made me cry. Pickles? Really? Am I that sensitive about it... and the answer is yes. Yes I am. and I can't help it.

I remember making my first meal ever by myself. I made breaded chicken breasts (from a box, but they were so yummy!!!) and with it was broccoli, cauliflower, rice and cheese sauce... I think. It's been a long time since I thought about it so my memory is sort of flawed, but the point is that mum helped me to make my first meal for my family.  If she was here now we would be making stuff together all the time. Think of the creations we could have come up with... that I will now have to do alone.

I found a recipe for cinnamon monkey bread that was more of a dessert than the buttery, fattening, yummy bread that Mum made when we were kids. I really want to try it. Perhaps on Sunday morning? Though I'll probably be too lazy. I think it will go well with tea and coffee.
There is going to be a bake sale at work next week and I definitely want to make something... snickerdoodles will be good, but I was also thinking I could make tea scones or something that is not sugary that people could have with tea, or coffee... maybe I'll make coffee cake (yes I know that is sugary)... I need a recipe... That would be a good experiment.

I would love to own a bed and breakfast. There is one down the street that is for sale. Chris and I looked at the pictures of it online and OMG it is horrible inside. I get that they were trying to make it look Victorian with the awful walpaper... but really? No one wants to have their eyes fall out of their head because they can't focus on one pattern at a time. It was a total visual overload!  It's a nice building, a very old house, and the upstairs is cottage/wood paneling-like, but way too expensive for what it is. It needs a lot of redecorating... lol

If I had a bed and breakfast it would be a warm, and welcoming setting. The smell of fresh baked bread would fill every room. This would be my schedule:

Morning: Make breakfast (tea/coffee/juice, bacon eggs, pancakes, waffles, cereal, muffins, toast... I'd take the requests the night before and make what the guests wanted)
Mid Morning: bake. Bread, cookies, muffins, pie (now that I can do that), whatever I felt like
Afternoon: clean... there must be a lot of cleaning involved in a b&b... and laundry. Gardening if it was the right season, and between loads I would knit... tablecloths, blankets, hats, mitts, scarves, socks, whatever was fancied at the time. Perhaps I could have a gift shop?
Late afternoon/Early evening: make dinner... a lot of b&b's do this. The guests could choose from a menu and I would make it and serve it for them. Simple meals are good, and usually easy.
Evening: clean the kitchen, retire to the sitting room and relax and knit; planning groceries, and baking schedules for the next day. 

I would of course have Victoria with me :) and Chris could be in the garage making various wooden things to sell in my gift shop :)

I would love that... stupid feminism ruining my dream of being a stay at home wife/mother/b&b owner.  I'd find time to play and walk with Vala as well of course :) Life would be good.. and fulfilling. Now I just need to win the lottery, buy some land in the country, near some kind of water, and away from the world, build a beautiful house, and a stable for Erin, and a kennel for Becky... and Auntie Susie could be my bookeeper. :) Ah to dream.

I'm happy. I've been happy ever since I stopped going to cadets. I want to start a knitting club. I thought that I could advertise in the Baden Outlook and perhaps when the living room is finished I could host it at my house.  I have so many ideas, and so little time to make them come to fruition. Stupid working...

This has rambled quite a lot.

More travel

Off to Denver tomorrow to see Becky.  I must say I am excited, not about Denver, but about seeing Becky, and also watching how Blake reacts to getting to go flying!  YAY  Makes me miss Grandad though... I've been missing him a lot lately.

I'm staying at "the company" at least until December.  I'll be working for University Relations :) I'm very happy about this and only hope that I do well. I'm sad that I won't be working for Kim, but things change and we are both off on new adventures.

I'm really going to miss Chris and Vala while I am away.  Vala flipped out when I left this morning... *tear* and last time I was away overnight she spent a few hours looking for me as if to say "why is mum not in bed with us". It makes me sad, but I will be back and she will be just fine.

Yay travel... I always want to go, but when I get there, I end up just wanting to come home.

Is this my life?

I go to work and am bored (at the moment... i'm sure it won't last forever)... then I go home and walk the dog (which I love doing), by the time Chris gets home we have to make dinner, eat it with interruptions from the dog having to pee all the time, then do dishes and clean up. By the time Chris has showered and changed it's time to go to bed and nothing fun has been done all evening!

I'm dissatisfied with things right now...

All the work being done to the house is great. I loved working through the weekend to finish and have it all looking nice. I loved that... but we never do anything enjoyable... truly relaxing. I'm frustrated with my life.

I want to knit... but I can't because everytime I pick up my needles, the dog has to go out to pee. and when the dog is sleeping I am not motivated to pick up my needles.

I want to visit home, but I also want Chris to come with me, and he is always working.  I can take the dog with me, but then I really don't get to relax because I'm chasing after her all the time.

I don't want to go to Denver... ok, well I do want to go to Denver, but I don't want to travel to get there. Sigh... where did the summer go?

There are so many things that I wanted to do, that I didn't get to this year. It was my first free year, and I feel like I've done nothing.

I'm excited about the basement being finished... and about finally having a couch to sit on...(which came today)... but there is just something missing... and I'm snarky towards Chris which he definitely doesn't deserve.

I need something.... I'm not sure what it is.

Don't get me wrong. I love Chris. There is nothing wrong with me and Chris.  I love living with him. It's just been so much of a change (dad even bought us kitchen presents.. and Chris' parents bought us an ektorp chair) and I'm overwhelmed sometimes.  I also don't feel like the house is my home... I don't have a place where I feel grounded and like I belong completely.

I need a sewing room I think.

I don't know what I need.

I'm lost


Personal Wish List

We live in a consumer disposable society.  I’m not proud of that, but like every North American there are just some things that I wish to possess. These things provide me with a false sense of fulfillment… I’ll take that once and a while.

Kindle: I know I love books in their paper form, but to be able to carry one everywhere I went conveniently and without the weight would be awesome. I’m torn between the Kindle and the Kobo though… they both have perks, but I’m looking for reliability and Kindle tends to come out on top for that one.

A Song for Arbonne: Becky has the family copy but I would really really really like the hardcover… and the only hardcover is a first edition… sigh, one day.

Vibram FiveFingers: I want my feet to be healthy first, but to be able to wear toe shoes would be great.  I dislike shoes to begin with so something that would make me feel like I’m barefoot would make my year.

KitchenAid Standup Mixer: I love to bake and my first memories of making anything with mum were with the standup mixer with the big glass bowl on the turntable.

Emma DVD: The BBC version, not Gweneth Paltrow… it’s one of my favourites and might come second to P&P.

Star Trek: All of the DVD’s of the movies from the first corny story, through the wonderful TNG ones, to the last TNG one which wasn’t quite as good… Oh and the newest original series one as well. That would be lovely.

The Holiday DVD: This is a wonderful romantic movie. It’s not just about love and sex, it’s about true connection between the sexes, as well as between generations.  This is a wonderful movie.

Season 2 and 3 of TNG: They are the last piece of my puzzle.  Once I have them I will possess all 7 and be able to watch Star Trek, as well as Stargate continuously for years straight!

A Desktop Mac: I have become disillusioned with laptops, and now that I am finished school and do not ever have to lug around a stupid computer again I would like a desktop for home. I choose Mac because they are pretty and I like the interesting programs that are built in… I could make slideshows and be creative without having to worry about my monitor falling off… or the fan exploding… I’d like it to be self contained as well. All in one box! That would be cool.

An outdoor cooking set up: I’d prefer something like what Mr. Williams has… a stone set up with its own little chimney. It would require the ability to light a fire underneath, a metal grate on which to grill things, potentially a bake oven on the side so I can bake in the summer time.  Outdoor cooking… yes please.

Garden Furniture: I love to be outside, but sitting on the ground on a blanket is only comfortable for a short period of time.  I’d love to have a table, and chairs, and perhaps a chez here and there… I love reading while lounging… this of course includes a level area to put it on…

Hammock Chair: You know, the ones that hang from a single tree and you don’t have to worry about planting two trees the correct distance apart and then waiting 20 years for them to be the right size J. Also, better than the ones that come with their own stand… they tend to flip over!

A Chair and a Half: This is the ultimate chair! Saw one the other day and fell in love with its cumfyness!!! Yay. It’s nice and wide (lots of room for knitting stuff to sit beside me) is very squishy, and comes with an ottoman so I can put my feet up. I’m in love.

There is more... always... but this is my list for now...


Chris and I bought a puppy.

She's adorable! She is a Yorkshire Terrier and loves to chew on things, especially our skin!

Unfortunately for her (and our pocketbooks) she is a little sick. Much better now (it's been a little over a month since we picked her up) but still coughing.

I had a breakdown when we first got her. I felt trapped, and as if I had no time, and I felt bad for leaving her all day. I wasn't able to go home, visit family... relax. We were getting absolutely no sleep taking her out every few hours. I wanted to send her back.

Now things have calmed down a little and I feel better about it. I'm living with Chris and, yes, I miss my family terribly, but that is part of growing up. I'm making a life for myself and it is starting here. It includes this cute little fluff ball with sharp teeth.

No camp this year, for the first time in a very long time. It has felt good, but still kind of upsetting. I missed it a little. What I didn't miss was the drama, and the crying, and the stress. I like my job right now, and if I can stay I will.

I think I'm set. Chris and I are going to buy furniture (Jason has moved out so the living room is empty) and stay in Baden for a little while (stay together for a very long time... I think this is it for me). The plan is to move somewhere between my family and his, which means living in Cambridge/Preston/Galt. I don't mind. I think I will actually like it. I do love Baden though. There is always someone walking down the street, people are friendly, lots of kids... lots of dogs. It's a nice place. I'll be sad to leave it... but family is WAY more important.

I'm pretty happy... a little stressed at the moment... who knows if I'm going to be hired on at "The Company"... I'd like to be... but nothing is for sure. Once I have a stable job, I think I'll be ok.

Until then I am happy. This is life. and it's mine.

Writer's Block: Once upon a time…

The first line of my favourite book. I'm not sure that it is my all time favourite but it is definitely up there. 

"It is a truth  universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

I love that line!!! And the rest of the book is just as good. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austin.

And then follows,

Emma, Sense and Sensibility, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park, etc.  My best friend recently introduced me to another genre; Austin themed books. The best one so far has been "Jane Austin Ruined my Life" It is witty, and me... I just hope I don't get a divorce in the future!

What is the first line of your favorite book?

I'm dying to garden

Chris' mom gave me a seed starting kit for my birthday and I planted the seeds.... AND STUFF GREW!!!  I'm so excited!  The soft little green shoots make me smile :)

I'm going to raid the shed at home to see what I can find to play with. I need pots!

I'm so excited to garden this year... really garden!